Your Open Mind - With A Point Of View
By ZARAH WALPOLE
In the last issue of Women with Vision, I
discussed the important role "understanding" plays
in persuading others to accept your point of view. I pointed
out that effective negotiation requires that you understand
both your own, as well as the other side's needs, values
and alternatives. This time I'd like to address a more difficult
but equally essential component of effective persuasion.
It may sound counter-intuitive, but in my
opinion, the most persuasive thing you can do in a negotiation,
is to be open to being persuaded yourself. Think about it!
If both sides in a negotiation take the position that they
have formulated the best and only solution to the problem,
an agreeable resolution will never to be reached.
I learned this lesson the hard way. I was
involved in a negotiation in which neither side was willing
to be persuaded. No surprise - we didn't reach a resolution.
My negotiating team did its homework: we analyzed the issues;
considered our "opponent's" interests and concerns;
and formulated a creative solution. We genuinely believed
our proposal served all our interests. They rejected it,
"out of hand". And here's the embarrassing part
- in high dudgeon, we immediately broke off negotiations.
Clearly, if the other side could not recognize and be persuaded
by the elegance, the simplicity, the all-around fairness
of our excellent solution, there was no negotiating with
them!!
I wonder if we might have reached a solution,
had we taken the time to ask, "Why are you rejecting
our offer?" The negotiation had been drawn out, and,
as is often the case, had deteriorated into acrimony. I
suspect our "solution" came as a surprise and
the other side could not believe that we would present any
offer that was to both parties' mutual benefit. I believe
this because we would have thought the same of any proposal
presented by them. If we weren't willing to be persuaded
by them, how could we expect them to be persuaded by us?
This story does have a happy ending. Eventually, a mediator
stepped in and we reached a mutually acceptable agreement.
I don't mean to suggest that you should go
into a negotiation ready to cave in and compromise at all
costs. If you have done your homework and have insight into
both side's positions, then you can recognize and accept
a solution that legitimately and objectively satisfies everyone.
If you can genuinely show that you are open
to being persuaded, and that your goal is to find a resolution
that benefits everyone, you are more likely to be persuasive.
Your negotiating partner (not opponent) is far more likely
to be open to your suggestions when you explain how they
will benefit both sides.
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The above is not intended to constitute
legal advice. Please contact a lawyer to clarify your
legal rights.
