Active Listening
By ZARAH WALPOLE
It takes two to speak the truth - one
to speak, and another to hear.
- Thoreau
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where you
plan your response as the other person speaks? Do you hear
the first part of the person's statement - which is clearly
misguided - plan the perfect comeback, and wait impatiently
for them to finish so you can explain why they are wrong?
Does the conversation go well?
Probably not - more likely the conversation degenerates
into an irritating argument. While many of us can speak
clearly and intelligibly, that is only half of the communication
equation. An equally important component of effective communication
is the ability to listen well.
Listening to, and really hearing and understanding, what
someone is saying has many benefits.
- The speaker knows she has been heard - making her less
likely to repeat herself (usually in a louder and louder
voice) and more likely to listen in turn.
- The speaker has the opportunity to know if his message
is being received and add to or modify the message before
misapprehensions have solidified.
- The listener has the opportunity to determine whether
he or she has correctly understood the speaker, thereby
decreasing misunderstandings.
- It encourages full disclosure and builds trust, resulting
in more productive communication.
So, how does one become a better listener? The following
are some tried and true techniques for making you a better
listener:
- Use non-verbal cues - such as maintaining eye contact,
taking notes, adopting an attentive pose - which will
make the speaker feel more comfortable and encourage full
disclosure.
- Use open ended questions or brief comments ("Uh
huh … mmm hmm", "Can you explain that?")
to convey interest and encourage the speaker to say more.
- Ask clarifying questions to obtain more detailed information
from the speaker.
- Use your own words to restate what you have heard the
speaker say and encourage the speaker to correct you.
This will demonstrate that you are listening to and understanding
the speaker.
- Try, where appropriate, to determine the underlying
feelings and values that have been implicitly raised by
the speaker and acknowledge them. It is not necessary
to believe that the feelings or values are appropriate
to the situation or that you would have felt the same
way - just that you understand that the speaker feels
(or felt) this way.
Listening can be more difficult when the issues are emotional,
you become bored (especially when the speaker is repetitive),
you begin listening to your inner voice rather than the
speaker, you are attempting to argue with the speaker or
you are attempting to formulate your response. Once you
are aware of these distractions, it becomes easier to return
your focus. Effective ways to refocus include consciously
listening, concentrating on understanding, taking notes,
and taking time before responding.
Good listening is more than just not interrupting - it
is an active process that will help you have conversations
that "speak the truth". We can all become better
listeners with practice and by consistently following the
techniques outlined here. Good listeners are generally considered
great conversationalists. They also make very good negotiators
and mediators.
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The above is not intended to constitute
legal advice. Please contact a lawyer to clarify your
legal rights.
