COACHING CLIENTS THROUGH A DIVORCE
By DOUGLAS J. MANNING,
Family Law Department
Divorce or separation coaching is a supportive and goal-oriented
intervention. It may provide therapeutic value, but primarily
is not therapy. It is a forward thinking and future planning
process conducted usually in individual sessions lasting
anywhere from half an hour to one and a half hours.
This is a process in which a coach assists individuals
to adjust to the transitions that occur as a consequence
of separation, whether it be separation in a common-law
context or in a marriage relationship. There are inevitable
stresses, uncertainties and unknowns that separating clients
need to cope with. Among other things, the separation coach
helps people to focus on what they need to do to get through
the practical necessities while dealing also with the turmoil
and emotional fall out.
This type of coaching is typically done one-on-one with
a separating spouse, though on occasion may be done with
both separating parties at the same time.
The objectives of this form of coaching are to help individuals:
- By supporting them and giving them feedback.
- To learn effective negotiating skills.
- To establish boundaries when interacting with their
ex-partner.
- To develop communication skills that address conflict
and stressful situations with their ex-partner.
- To restructure their lives to accommodate changes in
their social life, career plans, child responsibilities,
and familial obligations.
- To identify and research resources to assist in various
aspects of their day to day living.
- To provide referrals and resources to such collateral’s
as lawyers, mediators, literature, therapists, etc.
- To make adjustments pertaining to being single or living
as a single parent.
- To provide a supportive forum in order to deal with
the emotional interference that is an inevitable part
of the separating process. These emotions can include
anger, denial, grief, loneliness, frustration, self doubt,
etc.
- To map out both short and long term goals that the client
wishes to establish for themselves and to assist them
in achieving some or all of those goals.
A separation coach can, if requested, assist separating
parents in developing a plan that will assist in parenting
the children of the family. Clients who wish assistance
in developing a parenting plan will need to be able to approach
the process with a certain degree of openness to receive
information and education from the coach with respect to
what their children may be experiencing and feeling.
The coach may assist the parents in identifying all of
the available options for parenting schedules, decision
making arrangements, and communication patterns and guide
the parties in considering the strengths and weaknesses
of each option as it relates to their particular family
situation.
This process will necessarily require each parent to honestly
evaluate their own skills and needs in the parenting process
to ask themselves whether they are willing to make the necessary
changes for the desired parenting plan to succeed.
As can be seen, the relationship between the coach and
the client is crucial to a successful outcome. This is collaborative
process and thus a relationship of trust and openness must
be established.
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The above is not intended to constitute
legal advice. Please contact a lawyer to clarify your
legal rights.
